Subject: Definitions (Page 76)

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Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.

Definitions

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

Censor: A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Communication Definitions Language

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government