Subject: Definitions (Page 76)

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Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Beliefs Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Definitions Government

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money