Subject: Definitions (Page 76)

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Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Definitions

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions Wordplay

Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.

Definitions

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

Definitions

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions