Subject: Definitions (Page 76)

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Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Definitions

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Definitions Government Politicians

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Characteristics Definitions Places

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

Atheist: A man who has no invisible means of support.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink