Subject: Definitions (Page 77)

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Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Definitions

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Analysis: An excuse to take something to pieces to see how it works.

Definitions

Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.

Definitions Government

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance Body Definitions

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions