Subject: Definitions (Page 77)

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A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions

Colleague: The person to whom one passes the buck.

Definitions

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Definitions

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

Critic: One who boasts of being “hard to please” because nobody tries to please him. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations Work

Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Reading/Writing

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults