Subject: Definitions (Page 8)

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Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion

Mugger: A benevolent citizen of the streets who frequently spares the lives of total strangers in exchange for any cash and valuables in their possession.

Crime Definitions

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

Karaoke: Japanese for “Drunk with Microphone.”

Definitions Entertainment

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women