Subject: Definitions (Page 8)

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Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Definitions

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

Experience: A form of knowledge acquired only two ways: by doing and being done.

Definitions

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions