Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 8)
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Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
Anonymous
Accidents
Definitions
Problems
A man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Definitions
People
Also Jacques Barzun
Conservatives
Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
People
Young
Younger Generation
Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Reconsider: To seek a justification for a decision already made.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Intelligence
Thinking
Reconsider
Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet
Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fad
Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Things
Rummage Sale
Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Fathers
Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.
Anonymous
Definitions
Babysitter
Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Amusement Park
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.
Anonymous
Definitions
Politics
Alliance
Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
Anonymous: The worlds most popular author.
Anonymous
Definitions
Anonymous
Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Consolation
Knowledge
Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Chauffeur
Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.
Jim Jordan
(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions
TV/Movie Quotes
As Fibber McGee in radio’s “Fibber McGee and Molly”
Farm
Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Insanity
Abash: A high school graduation party.
Anonymous
Definitions
Parties
Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.
Anonymous
Definitions
Betting
Bookie
Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Fools
Intimacy
Page 8 of 78
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