Subject: Definitions (Page 8)

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Mugger: A benevolent citizen of the streets who frequently spares the lives of total strangers in exchange for any cash and valuables in their possession.

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Karaoke: Japanese for “Drunk with Microphone.”

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Spinster: An unlusted number.