Subject: Definitions (Page 9)

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definition of a classic: a book everyone is assumed to have read and often thinks they have.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

Chivalry: The attitude of a man toward somebody else’s wife.

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Buffet: A French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”

American humorist & public speaker

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.