Subject: Definitions (Page 9)

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Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Kin: An affliction of the blood.

Definitions Family

Censor: A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Communication Definitions Language

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

Experience: A form of knowledge acquired only two ways: by doing and being done.

Definitions

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions