Subject: Definitions (Page 9)

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History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Definitions History Time

Amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Eating

Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.

Definitions Failure Problems Things

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Definitions Marriage

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music