Subject: Definitions (Page 9)

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Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Quagmire: Any situation more easily entered into than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with an insurance salesman.

Definitions

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer
Definitions Marriage