Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 9)
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History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Anonymous
Definitions
History
Time
Amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
Anonymous
Definitions
Amnesia
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Speech
Ventriloquist
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Anonymous
Definitions
Future
Time
Tomorrow
Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Sex
Women
Easy
Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Eating
Gluttony
Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Failure
Problems
Things
Percussive Maintenance
Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Skeleton
Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Heredity
Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime
Definitions
Kleptomaniac
Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family Swimming Pool
White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Intelligence
People
White Supremacists
Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neurotic
Marriage: A relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Work
J
Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.
Anonymous
Body
Characteristics
Definitions
People
Optimist
Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Take Home Pay
Diaper: A bum wrap.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diaper
Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.
Anonymous
Definitions
Invitro Fertilization
Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Accordion Music
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