Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Education
(Page 3)
The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
Anonymous
Education
School
Exams
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Education
Money
School
College
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Anonymous
Communication
Education
Learning
Speech
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
Karl Marx
(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
Education
Intelligence
Sex
Philosophy
I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics
Education
Fathers
School
Jealousy
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Saul Lavisky's Observation
Communication
Education
Murphy’s Laws
Experience
Fine print
Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.
First Law of Final Exams
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
Calculator batteries
Exams
If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Education
History
Learning
Mistakes
There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.
Brian Kiley
comedian
Education
Relationships
Crushes
Teachers
A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.
Eugene Mirman
(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Children
Communication
Education
Family
Speech
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.
David Guaspari
(1948 – ) American writer & mathematician
Education
Intelligence
Information
Knowledge
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Pierre Trudeau
(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Communication
School
Speech
Graduation
When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Education
School
Sports
Academic requirements
Auburn
The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
Corollary: The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
Hanggi's Law
Education
Murphy’s Laws
Research
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education
School
Science/Weather
Gravity
Teachers
1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it.
Rominger's Rules for Students
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
I'm from one of those places where the whole number system consists of one, two and a shitload.
Darrell Hammond
(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Education
Places
Alabama
I was thinkin' maybe we should just bomb ourselves so we could upgrade our school system.
Lizz Winstead
(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conflict
Education
School
War
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
Exams
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
Natasha Leggero
(1974 – ) American comedian
Education
School
College
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Family
Parents
Reading/Writing
School
Going away party
Letters
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