Subject: Education (Page 3)

I took a positive thinking course… it was shit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Education Learning

If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.


Education Learning Murphy’s Laws School

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Activities Dance Education Girls Men People Women

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Fools Intelligence Wisdom

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Appearance Clothing Education People

To learn that all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, I needed to go to grad school.


Education Learning

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Characteristics Education Learning

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage Men School

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Education School Things

Sex doesn’t have to be taught; it’s something most of us are born with.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
School Sex

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president
Education Football Misspokements School Sports

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Education

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
Corollary: The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Education Murphy’s Laws

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.

American comedian & writer
Conflict Drugs Education Places

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Education England Places School

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Learning Men People

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Education Sex

With one or two exceptions, colleges expect their players of games to be reasonably literate.

(1898 – 1971) English classical scholar & academic
Education School Sports