Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Education
(Page 3)
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
Daniel Tosh
(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Education
England
Places
School
Prison
Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Conflict
Drugs
Education
Places
Home schooling
Los Angeles
[Coedness] is like a radical agenda forced on college students.
Christine O'Donnell
(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Education
Misspokements
School
Situations
A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Education
Occupations
Sleep
Teachers
According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map; however 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Education
Places
Immigrants
Iraq
Mexicans
I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak.
Shaquille O'Neal
American basketball player
Education
Intelligence
Misspokements
School
Exams
We learn from experience that men never learn from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Education
Learning
Experience
Being dead is one way to experience nothing, another is to attend some classes at my school.
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death
Education
School
He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.
Reverend Sydney Smith
(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Education
Insults
Learning
Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Learning
Men
People
Humility
Public
Teaching
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Education
Calcium Anthropology
We all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.
Peter De Vries
(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Education
Learning
Life
School
Experience
One in For Kids Drops Out of High School
Headline
Education
Headlines
You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos
Education
Money
People
Pickup trucks
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
Natasha Leggero
(1974 – ) American comedian
Education
School
College
Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.
Solomon Short
David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Characteristics
Education
Fake
Sincerity
Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.
First Law of Final Exams
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
Calculator batteries
Exams
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.
First Law of Applied Terror
Education
Murphy’s Laws
Reading/Writing
School
Exams
Illegible
Notes
Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Education
Language
Learning
Ignorance
Studious
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts – Do You Want Fries With That?
Bumper sticker
Education
Signs
College
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
Exams
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