Subject: Education (Page 8)

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School

They say you never forget your first school teacher, I had mine like 4 years in a row… I was dating her by the time I got out of that joint.

American actor & stand-up comedian
Education

There is no direct relationship between the quality of an educational program and its cost.

Education Money Murphy’s Laws

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Conflict Crime Education

If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Education School Sports

When I was at school I was great at history… oh wait, no I wasn't.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Education History Learning Time

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

I think I’m really learning a lot from my creative writing classes; the entire experience is just indescribable.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Education Learning Reading/Writing

Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers; my opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.


Communication Education Reading/Writing School

Class schedules are designed so that every student will have time to waste between classes.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Education Learning

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.

(1948 – ) American writer & mathematician
Education Intelligence

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease; it made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Education

To learn that all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, I needed to go to grad school.


Education Learning

Can’t anything be done about calling these guys student athletes? … That’s like referring to Attila the Hun’s cavalry as “weekend warriors.”

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education People School Sports

Dad taught me everything I know; unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.

(1962 – ) American race car driver
Education Family Fathers Learning

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education People Rednecks School

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Communication Education Learning Places Reading/Writing

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get if you don’t.

(1919 – ) American folk singer
Education