Subject: Education » School

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak.

American basketball player
Education Intelligence Misspokements School

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach
Activities Education Football Misspokements School Sports

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia; not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.


(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion
Education Health Learning School

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

Books Education Film Murphy’s Laws School

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Education School

Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.

college basketball coach
Education School Sports

Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables

Headlines School

Interviewer: Auburn is a pretty good school; to graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter
Death Education School

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

Can’t anything be done about calling these guys student athletes? … That’s like referring to Attila the Hun’s cavalry as “weekend warriors.”

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education People School Sports

All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

Sex doesn’t have to be taught; it’s something most of us are born with.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
School Sex

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education School

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Education School

When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports