Subject: Education » School

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

I never graduated from Iowa. I was only there for two terms – Truman's and Eisenhower's.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Education School

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education History Old School Time

Class schedules are designed so that every student will have time to waste between classes.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

You might be a redneck if… your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks School

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Communication School Speech

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Education School

You never catch on until after the test.

Education Murphy’s Laws School Understanding

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
America Emotions Fear Government School

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Activities Drugs School

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

I failed math so many times in school, I can’t even count.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Education School

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence People School

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Government People School

Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables

Headlines School

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

(1927 – ) American comedian
Education School