Subject: Education » School (Page 4)

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president
Education Football Misspokements School Sports

I never did very well in math – I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Education School

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School

When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Education School Time

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

(1927 – ) American comedian
Education School

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Government People School

A diploma only proves that you know how to look up an answer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Education School

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American basketball coach & executive
Education Football School Sports

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education School

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Age Education School

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

comedian
Education School Science/Weather

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown; the difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Education School Self

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.

professional basketball player
Education Misspokements School

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Education Murphy’s Laws School