Subject: Emotions (Page 19)

I have the biggest crush on my dentist; I’ve been doing everything to see him; I gargle with Coke.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Emotions Health

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Emotions Happiness Laughter Life

I hope they bury me near a straight man.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Emotions

Creator: a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Laughter

If you can’t help out with a little money, at least give a sympathetic groan.

Emotions

If you’ve never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Children Emotions Family Parents

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Emotions Love

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

(1982 – ) American author
Emotions Love Situations

It's better to have loved and lost than do forty pounds of laundry a week.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
Emotions Housework Love

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Emotions Happiness Money

Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor
Emotions Health Laughter

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions

I can still enjoy sex at 74; I live at 75, so it's no distance.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Age Emotions Sex

On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy – but we'll work on it.

Emotions Happiness Murphy’s Laws

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Emotions Happiness

If love were oil, I'd be about a quart low.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Emotions Love

You don’t know what love is ’til you become a parent and fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to act positive about it.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Emotions Family Love

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Emotions Marriage

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People