Subject: Entertainment » Music (Page 8)

Lloyd Webbers music is everywhere… but so is AIDS.

(1931 – 2003) Australian composer

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director

U2’s lawyers work pro bono.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

It’s difficult to remember when you haven’t played it before.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Shostakovich is without doubt the foremost composer of pornographic music in the history of art.

(1855 – 1937) American musical critic & scholar

Accordion: A pleated bagpipe.

Get up from that piano; you hurtin' its feelings.

(1885 – 1945) American ragtime pianist, bandleader & composer

It's bad when they don't perform your operas – but when they do, it's far worse.

(1835 – 1921) French Late-Romantic composer, conductor & pianist

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

I opened the door for a lot of people, and they just ran through and left me holding the knob.

(1928 – 2008) American singer, songwriter & rock and roll pioneer

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Harpist: A plucky musician.

I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent; they kicked me out for pan-handling.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

They want to play the blues so badly… and that's how they play it – badly!

American bluesman

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there also a dropped hammer.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

A piano store looks like a funeral parlor for music.

(1888 – 1963) Spanish writer & dramatist

A composer for one right hand.

(1813 – 1883) German composer, conductor, theatre director & essayist

I practice when I’m loaded.

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist