Subject: Entertainment (Page 13)

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress

I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.

(1909 – 1976) American lyricist, songwriter & singer

I went to see that Pavarotti last week… he doesn't like it when you join in.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

If you're gonna blame teen sex on rock 'n' roll, why don't we just blame incest on country and western?

comedian

The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.

(1925 – 2008) American actor, director & entrepreneur

I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.

(1927 – ) English actor

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Jane Fonda coming back to the screen after a decade-and-a-half absence in Monster-in-Law is like Brando returning from the dead to star in a Police Academy movie.

(1952 – ) American film critic & columnist

I practice when I’m loaded.

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist

My Comedy Channel – Fox News

My News Channel Comedy Central

She was a singer who had to take every note above A with her eyebrows.

(1877 – 1934) British-American lawyer & writer

I opened the door for a lot of people, and they just ran through and left me holding the knob.

(1928 – 2008) American singer, songwriter & rock and roll pioneer

Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

A joke is a very serious thing.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

The hardest thing in the world is to start an orchestra, and the next hardest, to stop it.

(1843 – 1916) Hungarian conductor

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist