Subject: Entertainment (Page 17)

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida and residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
President Television

I wrote a song, but I don’t know how to read music, so I don’t know what it is.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Music

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Entertainment Ideas Music

Jazz: Music invented for the torture of imbeciles.

(1852 – 1933) author, educator & clergyman
Music Reviews/Criticism

I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration; I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
People Television

[Walking Tall] stars The Rock, but The Wood might be a better description of his performance.

film reviewer & critic
Acting Entertainment Insults

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Entertainment Intelligence Stupidity

It makes me look as if I were straining a stool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Art Insults

The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie.

Entertainment Film Murphy’s Laws

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good – we want it Tuesday.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

The program you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted.

Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Television

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Entertainment

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Entertainment

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Music Religion

The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Film Money

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Entertainment

Devotees of awful filmmaking can't go wrong with this one.

movie critic
Film Insults

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Television TV/Movie Quotes

I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.

(1909 – 1976) American lyricist, songwriter & singer
Entertainment Insults Reviews/Criticism

Morality, like art, means a drawing a line someplace.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Art Characteristics Entertainment

I bought a portable cable TV.

comedian
Situations Television Things