Subject: Entertainment (Page 18)

Apparently the understudy had to go because of her throat; I suppose someone threatened to cut it.

(1865-1940) English actress
Acting Entertainment Insults Reviews/Criticism

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Entertainment Insults People

I bought a portable cable TV.

comedian
Situations Television Things

The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie.

Entertainment Film Murphy’s Laws

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle… it wasn’t mine.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Dance Entertainment

When I die, there will be people who send flowers to Ethel Mertz.

(1902 – 1979) American actor
Acting Entertainment

What do you want me to do … stop shooting now and release it as The Five Commandments?

(1881 – 1959) American film director & producer
Entertainment Film

A movie so good they named a country after it.

(1940 – ) American-born British screenwriter, film director, animator & actor (Monty Python’s Flying Circus)
Entertainment Film

Hell is a half-filled auditorium.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Entertainment Situations

I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent; they kicked me out for pan-handling.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Entertainment Music

Left eyebrow raised, right eyebrow raised.

(1927 – ) English actor
Acting Entertainment

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Entertainment

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks; there you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Music

If the World Series goes seven games, it will be NBC's longest running show this fall.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Entertainment Television

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

There was laughter at the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Entertainment

Every time an Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings.

(1948 – ) American actress & director
Entertainment Hollywood Places

I don’t think he could direct his nephew to the bathroom.

(1937 – ) American film & television actress, director, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment Film Insults

The only proof of taste Beckford has shown with his collection is getting rid of it.

(1778 – 1830) English writer, essayist, critic, grammarian & philosopher
Art Insults

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Golf Speech Sports Television