Subject: Entertainment (Page 23)

Knock knock jokes are completely wasted on the homeless.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment

Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light. What so proudly we hailed. Of thee I sing.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Music

Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Acting Entertainment

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Entertainment Insults People

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Situations

A buxom temptress… more impressive in silhouette than in action.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Acting Reviews/Criticism

Inviting her to review one of your pictures is like inviting the Boston Strangler to massage your neck.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment Film

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Health Television

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
America Places Television

Edward Woodward… Edward Woodward… sounds like a fart in the bath.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Insults

The program you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted.

Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Television

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together; the public doesn’t give a damn what goes on inbetween.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes; art is knowing which ones to keep.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Art Entertainment Intelligence

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting Reviews/Criticism

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Entertainment

Ricardo Montalban is to improvisational acting what Mount Rushmore is to animation.

(1929 – 1989) American actor, screenwriter & filmmaker
Acting Insults

She comes on stage as if she had been sent for to sew rings on the new curtains.

(1865-1940) English actress
Acting Reviews/Criticism

Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up every time.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Television

Milton was probably the best at dealing with hecklers, but then he probably had the most practice.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music