Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 28)
Longfellow is to poetry what the barrel-organ is to music.
Van Wyck Brooks
(1886 – 1963) literary critic, biographer & historian
Insults
Music
Reading/Writing
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Poetry
The scene is dull; tell him to put more life into his dying.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Acting
Entertainment
Misspokements
Oxymorons
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Dance
Entertainment
Intelligence
Music
Hearing
[Art is] the reasoned derangement of the senses.
Kenneth Rexroth
(1905 – 1982) American poet, translator & critical essayist
Art
Entertainment
Inviting her to review one of your pictures is like inviting the Boston Strangler to massage your neck.
Billy Wilder
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment
Film
On film critic Judith Crist
A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.
James Thurber
(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Entertainment
Caption
Drawing
You might be a redneck if… you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment
Music
People
Rednecks
'N Sync
Dishes
No great artist ever sees things as they really are; if he did, he would cease to be an artist.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Art
Entertainment
Artists
Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt [an Austrian painter].Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She’s shown it to everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Art
TV/Movie Quotes
As Thornton Melon in “Back to School”
Klimt
If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Entertainment
Opera
This isn’t exactly a stable business; it’s like trying to stand up in a canoe with your pants down.
Cliff Robertson
(1925 – 2011) American actor
Acting
Entertainment
Occupations
Work
Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theater unless he or she has bronchitis.
James Agate
(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
England
Entertainment
Places
Theater
English painter & sculptor Frederic Leighton to James McNeill Whistler: My dear Whistler, you leave your pictures in such a sketchy, unfinished state. Why don't you ever finish them?
Whistler’s reply: My dear Leighton, why do you ever begin yours?
James McNeill Whistler
(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Communication
Entertainment
Insults
Criticism
Painting
Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment
Self
Academy Awards
No, no… Jimmy Stewart for governor… Ronald Reagan for his best friend.
Jack L. Warner
(1892 – 1978) Canadian-American film producer (Warner Brothers)
Entertainment
Film
People
Situations
On Ronald Reagan being elected governor
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics
Entertainment
People
Audiences
When I need a little advice about Saddam Hussein, I turn to country music.
George H. W. Bush
(1924 – 2018) 41st U.S. president
Government
Ideas
Intelligence
Music
Saddam Hussein
I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Entertainment
Sex
Television
Oral sex
I like Wagner's music better than any other music; it is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults
Music
From “The Picture of Dorian Gray”
On composer Richard Wagner
Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.
Leo Rosten
(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Acting
Entertainment
Audiences
Deception
When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.
Victor Borge
(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Appearance
Entertainment
Music
Opera
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