Subject: Entertainment (Page 29)

It is disappointing to report that George Bernard Shaw appearing as George Bernard Shaw is sadly miscast in the part; satirists should be heard and not seen.

(1896 – 1955) American playwright
Acting Entertainment Insults

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there also a dropped hammer.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
Entertainment Music Reviews/Criticism

It makes me look as if I were straining a stool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Art Insults

They don't make 'em too big for this business.

(1928 – ) American stripper, burlesque star & actress
Appearance Body Entertainment

When I dance, people think I’m looking for my keys.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Dance Entertainment Self

I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.


Sex Television

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.

(1856 – 1925) American artist & portrait painter
Art Entertainment Friends People

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Art Entertainment Food/Drink

I wrote a song, but I don’t know how to read music, so I don’t know what it is.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Music

Italian chefs screaming risotto recipes at each other.

(1906 – 1975) Greek shipping magnate
Entertainment

English painter & sculptor Frederic Leighton to James McNeill Whistler: My dear Whistler, you leave your pictures in such a sketchy, unfinished state. Why don't you ever finish them?

Whistler’s reply: My dear Leighton, why do you ever begin yours?

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Communication Entertainment Insults

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer
Entertainment Sex Television

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting Reviews/Criticism

You might be a redneck if… your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment Music People Rednecks

What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Acting Entertainment Government Insults

The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience

American author
Places Television

Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Acting Entertainment

I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence; they got one marked “brightness” but it don’t work, does it?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Entertainment Television

A body at rest tends to watch television.

Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Television

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished learning them as when you start.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

The prize on that show: another contestant.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television