Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Saturday, May 10, 2025
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 32)
The Complete
Law and Order
boxed set is now available for only $300; the perfect gift for someone unaware of the existence of USA Network.
Eli Braden
American comedian
Entertainment
Television
Law and Order
Longfellow is to poetry what the barrel-organ is to music.
Van Wyck Brooks
(1886 – 1963) literary critic, biographer & historian
Insults
Music
Reading/Writing
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Poetry
There's no thief like a bad movie.
Sam Ewing
(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Entertainment
Film
Wasted time
I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children
Entertainment
Money
Movies
Prices
Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.
First Rule of Acting
Acting
Entertainment
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
It's bad when they don't perform your operas – but when they do, it's far worse.
Charles-Camille Saint-Saëns
(1835 – 1921) French Late-Romantic composer, conductor & pianist
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Situations
To composer Dame Ethel Smyth
Director: The one who always faces the music.
Anonymous
Definitions
Music
Director
It’s difficult to remember when you haven’t played it before.
Eugene Ormandy
(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment
Intelligence
Memory
Misspokements
Music
Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light. What so proudly we hailed.
Of thee I sing.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops
Music
From “America”
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Age
Entertainment
Health
Music
Teeth
The Beatles
The Rolling Stones
You spend all your time trying to do what they put people in asylums for.
Jane Fonda
(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Acting
Entertainment
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment
Television
A body at rest tends to watch television.
Smith’s Fourth Law of Inertia
Entertainment
Murphy’s Laws
Television
C. Guy Smith
I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.
Margaret Smith
stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Dating
Entertainment
Music
Relationships
If it's a good script I'll do it; and if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment
Film
Money
Scripts
Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.
Dramatic and Musical Review
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Places
Of French composer Hector Berlioz
Paris
Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Entertainment
Television
Like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.
Thomas Beecham
(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment
Music
On the harpsichord
The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment
Film
Money
Catholics
The Da Vinci Code
When you are about 35 years old, something terrible always happens to music.
Stephen Race
(1921 – 2009) British composer, pianist and radio & television presenter
Age
Entertainment
Music
Harp: A piano in the nude.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Things
Harp
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