Subject: Entertainment (Page 35)

So tonight, enjoy yourselves because nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Entertainment

His approach to the microphone is that of an accused man pleading with a hostile jury.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Entertainment Insults

He got a reputation as a great actor by just thinking hard about the next line.

(1894 – 1982) American film director, film producer & screenwriter
Acting Insults

It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment Misspokements Music

What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Acting Entertainment Government Insults

If you bet on a horse, that's gambling. If you bet you can make three spades, that's entertainment. If you bet cotton will go up three points, that's business. See the difference?

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Entertainment Sports

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Situations

Assassins!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
Music Reviews/Criticism

The only proof of taste Beckford has shown with his collection is getting rid of it.

(1778 – 1830) English writer, essayist, critic, grammarian & philosopher
Art Insults

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Entertainment Film

I liked your opera… I think I will set it to music.

(1770 – 1827) German composer & pianist
Entertainment Insults Music

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Entertainment Things

The play opened at 8:40 sharp and closed at 10:40 dull.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Entertainment Opinion

Anonymous: Is Ringo the best drummer in the world?

Lennon: He’s not even the best drummer in the band.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Entertainment Music

Someone came too sooner.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment Misspokements Music

I hope you go before me because I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death Entertainment

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back… luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Entertainment Situations Television

The pain goes away on payday.

(1902 – 1975) comedian, actor & member of The Three Stooges
Acting Entertainment Money

There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

(1979 – ) English comedian, television presenter, screenwriter & actor
Entertainment