Subject: Entertainment (Page 4)

If it wasn't for white people, who would play lead guitar?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

A musical is a series of catastrophes ending with a floor show.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

Meryl Streep is not here tonight, she has the flu… and I hear she’s amazing in it.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Gone With the Wind is going to be the biggest flop in Hollywood history; I'm just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who's falling flat on his face and not Gary Cooper.

(1901 – 1961) film actor

He should take the horse hairs out of his bow and return them to the tail of the horse.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra – and sank.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author

My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

The New Kids on the Block lip-syncing – who gives a damn?… that's like finding out the Muppets didn't sing their own music.

comedian, television writer

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Never argue with a man who is shorter than his Oscar.

(1928 – 2009) American television writer, playwright, screenwriter & author

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Lloyd Webbers music is everywhere… but so is AIDS.

(1931 – 2003) Australian composer

I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.


Give them pleasure – the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

(1929 – 2005) British actor & comedian

Stand-up is a lot like sex… there’s a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

One can’t judge Wagner’s opera Lohengrin after a first hearing, and I certainly don’t intend hearing it a second time.

(1792 – 1868) Italian composer

I don’t like this reality television, I have to be honest… I think real people should not be on television; it’s for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor