Subject: Entertainment » Television

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Art Entertainment Life Television

You might be a redneck if… the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment People Rednecks Shopping Television

You don't even know what they're selling until the very end: three rabbits are on a log, and one of them goes home and hangs himself – 'Buy a bike!'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Entertainment Television

In Russia we only had two TV channels: Channel One was propaganda, Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: “Turn back at once to Channel One.”

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Entertainment Places Television

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Entertainment Sex Television

The prize on that show: another contestant.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,“Forget everything you know about slipcovers,” so I did, and it was a load off my mind; then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what the hell they were.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Memory Television

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Entertainment Television

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Television

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Congress Entertainment Government Politicians Television

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment Television

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Entertainment Television

You're flickin' around, all of a sudden – boom – you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment Science/Weather Television

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Television TV/Movie Quotes

You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.

English standup comedian
Entertainment People Television

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Entertainment Television

Martha Stewart’s a convicted felon and they gave her another television show… what’s next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Entertainment Television

Men don’t care what’s on TV… they only care what else is on TV.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Entertainment Men People Television

It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of “Law & Order” in my apartment.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Entertainment Television

A body at rest tends to watch television.

Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Television

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment Television