Subject: Entertainment » Television

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I watch so much Netflix that, rather than suggesting more shows for me to watch, it’s started suggesting I go outside.

British stand-up comedian

Television: A medium; so called because it is neither rare nor well done.

(1919 – 1962) American comedian, actor & writer

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I told them sandwiches.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

If there are only two shows worth watching, they will be on at the same time.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

You might be a redneck if… your down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience

American author

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good – we want it Tuesday.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter

Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks.

(1912 – 1992) American news journalist

Television has raised writing to a new low.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

I don’t like this reality television, I have to be honest… I think real people should not be on television; it’s for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

You don't even know what they're selling until the very end: three rabbits are on a log, and one of them goes home and hangs himself – 'Buy a bike!'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday… so I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of “Law & Order” in my apartment.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian