Subject: Epitaphs (Page 16)

Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp, Who lived by wool and died by hemp

Epitaphs

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Epitaphs

Ebenezer Dockwood aged forty seven. A miser and a hypocrite and never went to Heaven.

Epitaphs

"May ye be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead"

Epitaphs

Here lies Matthew Mudd, Death did him no hurt; when alive he was Mudd, but now he's only dirt

Epitaphs

She tormented him until he dried up like a bundle of Straw.

Epitaphs

Here lies one who for medicine would not give, a little gold, and so his life he lost: I fancy now he'd wish again to live, could he but guess how much his funeral cost.

Epitaphs

This is to the memory of Ellen Hill, a woman who would always have her will. She snubbed her husband but she made good bread. Yet on the whole he’s rather glad she’s dead. She whipped her children and she drank her gin, whipped virtue out and whipped the devil in. May all such women go to some great fold, where they through all eternity may scold.

Epitaphs

She was in health at 11.30 A. M. – And left for Heaven at 3.30 P. M.

Epitaphs

1890. The light of my Life has gone out. – 1891. I have struck another match.

Epitaphs

Good Susan Blake in royal state – Arrived at last at Heaven's gate."But Peter met her with a club – And knocked her back to Beelzebub."

Epitaphs

Assuming my death has occurred, and five doctors have concurred. Please REVIVE me! If you can get no breath, take the person who caused my death, and bury them right beside me.

Epitaphs

I Dionysius underneath this tomb – Some sixty years of age have reached my doom. – Ne'er having married, think it sad, – And I wish my father never had.

Epitaphs

Here lies Bob Master. Faith! t’was very hard to take away an honest Robin’s breath. Yes, surely Robin was full well prepared, for he was always looking out for death.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Richard Thomas, an Englishman by birth, a Whig of '76 – a Cooper by trade, now food for worms. Like an old rum puncheon whose staves are all marked and numbered he will be raised and put together again by his Maker.

Epitaphs

I came I know not whence, I go I know not whither.

Epitaphs

Stranger pause my tale attend, and learn the cause of Hannah’s end. Across the world the wind did blow, she ketched a cold that laid her low. We shed a lot of tears ‘tis true, but life is short – aged 82.

Epitaphs

I've finally stopped getting dumber.

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Poor Martha Snell, she's gone away. She would if she could, but she could not stay; she'd two bad legs, and a baddish cough, but her legs it was that carried her off.

Epitaphs

Buried here beneath this clay lies gardener John Arbothnaut Jay. Now in his simpeternal home, a constant source of high-grade loam.

Epitaphs

Here lies my wife, poor Molly, let her lie, she finds repose at last, and so do I.

Epitaphs