Subject: Epitaphs (Page 16)

She was in health at 11.30 A. M. – And left for Heaven at 3.30 P. M.

Epitaphs

Samuel Gardner was blind in one eye and in a moment of confusion he stepped out of a receiving and discharging door in one of the warehouses into the ineffable glories of the celestial sphere.

Epitaphs

Beneath this grassy Mound now rests One Edgar Oscar Earl, Who to another Hunter looked Exactly like a squirrel.

Epitaphs

Until the brakes are turned on time, – Life's throttle-valve shut down. – He works to pilot in the crew – That wears the martyr's crown. – On schedule time, on upper grade – Along the homeward section. – He lands his train in God's roundhouse – The mom of resurrection. – His time is full, no wages docked, – His name on God's pay roll. – And transportation through to Heaven – A free pass for his soul.

Epitaphs

Here doth lye the bodie – Of John Flye, who did die – By a stroke from a sky-rocket – Which hit him on the eye-socket.

Epitaphs

Poor Martha Snell, she's gone away. She would if she could, but she could not stay; she'd two bad legs, and a baddish cough, but her legs it was that carried her off.

Epitaphs

He had six bullets but he needed seven.

Epitaphs

This is on me.

Epitaphs

A thousand ways cut short our days, none are exempt from death. A honey-bee by stinging me did stop my mortal breath.

Epitaphs

Assuming my death has occurred, and five doctors have concurred. Please REVIVE me! If you can get no breath, take the person who caused my death, and bury them right beside me.

Epitaphs

Here Lies Jane Smith Wife of Thomas Smith Marble Cutter: This monument erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this style are two hundred and fifty dollars.

Epitaphs

Planted here beneath sod. At peaceful rest lies brother Claude

Epitaphs

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid, but died an old Mann…

Epitaphs

A zealous locksmith died of late, and did not enter Heaven’s gate. But stood without and would not knock , because he meant to pick the lock.

Epitaphs

He looked for gold and died of lead poison

Epitaphs

Here I lie at the chancel door – And I lie here because I am poor; – For the farther in the more you pay, – But here I lie as warm as they.

Epitaphs

Here lies my wife a sad slatterned shrew. If I said I regretted her, I should lie too.

Epitaphs

My candle burns at both ends, – It will not last the night, – But Oh, my foes, – And Ah, my friends, – It gives a lovely light

Epitaphs

Here lies the body Of Margaret Bent. She kicked up her heels And away she went.

Epitaphs

Pray for me, old Thomas Dunn, but if you don't, tis all one.

Epitaphs

Pray, reader, stop, and read my fate, – What caused my life to terminate; – For thieves one night, when in my bed, – Broke in my house and shot me dead.

Epitaphs