Subject: Epitaphs (Page 25)

Here lies the body of Robert Gordon, mouth almighty and teeth according. Stranger tread lightly on this wonder, if he opens his mouth you are gone to thunder.

Epitaphs

She was never meant to be understood, just loved.

Epitaphs

I don’t want to talk about it now.

Epitaphs

Dear God: enclosed, please find Rube Goldberg. Now that you’ve got him, what are you going to do with him?

Epitaphs

There once was a man named Don, who fell asleep out on his lawn. They thought he was pretending to be dead, then a tombstone fell on his head. And now Don is long gone.

Epitaphs

Sacred to Wm Collis boat-steerer of the ship St George of New Bedford, who by the will of Almighty God was killed by a whale off this Island

Epitaphs

Come blooming youths, as you pass by, And on these lines do cast an eye. As you are now, so once was I; As I am now, so must you be; Prepare for death and follow me.

Epitaphs

I am not grieved, my dearest life. Sleep on, I've got another wife. Therefore, I cannot come to thee For I must go and live with she.

Epitaphs

Here lies the father of 29; he would have had more but he didn't have time.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor, who lived and died without a doctor.

Epitaphs

Once I wasn't – then I was. Now I ain't again.

Epitaphs

He got a fish-bone in his throat and then he sang an angel's note.

Epitaphs

She was not smart, she was not fair, but hearts with grief for her are swellin'; all empty stands her little chair: she died of eatin' water-mellon.

Epitaphs

Here lies the landlord Tommy Dent – In his last cosy tenement.

Epitaphs

Here lies England's premier baron, patiently awaiting the last trump.

Epitaphs

Wherever you be, let your wind go free. For holding it in, was the killing of me.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

Epitaphs

Here lies old Caleb Ham, by trade a bum. When de died the devil cried, Come, Caleb, come.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim. We made the mistake, but the joke's on him.

Epitaphs

He has gone to the only place where his own works are excelled.

Epitaphs

She always said her feet were killing her – but nobody believed her.

Epitaphs