Subject: Epitaphs (Page 6)

Here lies the body of William Beck – He was thrown at a hunt and broke his neck.

Here lies Dave Jordan – His last words were a shame… 'There's a light at the end of the tunnel'… Unfortunately it was a train

Rodney Dangerfield – There Goes The Neighborhood

Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton – She was a wife that never vexed one. – But I can't say as much for the one at the next stone.

This spot is the sweetest I've seen in my life, For it raises many flowers and covers my wife.

He didn't believe in God; And when he did, they argued.

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot Who was accidentally killed in the 45th year of his age. This monument was erected by his grateful family.

Here lies the bones of David Jones, Laid both dead and dumb. He read a law and plead a cause But died from drinking rum.

This is all that remains of poor Ben Hough. He had forty-nine years and that was enough. Of worldly goods he had his share, And now he's gone to the Devil's snare.

Here he lies, James T. Carson. He blew up his wife and was hung for arson.

This corpse is Phebe Thorps.

This world is a prison in every respect, whose walls are the heavens in common; the jailor is sin, and the prisoners men; and the fetters are nothing but women.

Fair maiden Lilliard – lies under this stane – little was her stature – but muckle was her fame – upon the English loons – she laid monie thumps – and when her legs were cuttit off – she fought upon her stumps.

I knew if I waited around long enough something like this would happen.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

The body that lies buried here – By lightning fell, death's sacrifice, – To him Elijah's fate was given – He rode on flames of fire to heaven.

He is not here – But only his pod; He shelled out his peas – And went to his God.

Posterity will ne'er survey – A nobler grave than this: – Here lies the bones of Castlereagh: – Stop, traveller, and piss.

Agreeable to the memory of Mrs Alinda Tewksbury. She was not a beleiver [sic] in the Christian idolitry.

The Lord saw good; I was lopping off wood, and down fell from the tree; I met with a check, and I broke my neck, and so Death lopped off me.

Although this stone may moulder into dust, yet Joseph Moodey's name continue must

Here lies the body of Detlof Swenson, waiter. God finally caught his eye.