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humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Epitaphs
(Page 7)
Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? Quite well, I bet, Since it's well fed By her body decomposing below.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Planted here beneath sod. At peaceful rest lies brother Claude
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Epitaphs
Sacred to the memory of Henry Harris who died from a kick by a colt in his bowells. Peacable and quiet, a friend to his father and mother, respected by all who knew him, gone to the world where horses don’t kick, where sorrow and weeping are no more.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
In Tennessee
Ma Dyed [sic]
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Epitaphs
Old Deerfield Massachusetts
Approach and read, now with your hats on, for here lies Bailie William Watson; who was famous for his thinking, and moderation in his drinking.
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Epitaphs
Bailie William Watson in Glasgow
Here lies poor but honest Bryan Tunstall. He was a most expert angler until Death envious of his art, threw out his line hooked him, and landed him here the 21st day of April, 1790
Epitaph
Epitaphs
A fisherman in Ripon York
Here beneath this stone we lie, back to back my wife and I, And when the angels trump shall trill, If she gets up then I'll lie still!
Epitaph
Epitaphs
In Barlinine Cemetery Glasgow Scotland
Here lies the body of Robert Gordon, mouth almighty and teeth according. Stranger tread lightly on this wonder, if he opens his mouth you are gone to thunder.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
In Falkirk England
The body of Benjamin Franklin, printer like the coyer of an old book its contents torn out and stripped of its lettering and gilding, lies here food for worms. – Yet the work itself shall not be lost for it will, as he believed, appear once more in a new and more beautiful edition corrected and amended by the author.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Philadelphia
Written by himself at age 23 though he later changed his mind
That is all
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Epitaphs
London England
My sledge and anvil lie declined, my bellows too have lost their wind; my fire’s extinct, my forge decay’d. And in the dust my body’s laid: my coal is out, my iron’s gone, my nails are drove, my work is done.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
A Shropshire England blacksmith
Here lies the body of Richard Hind, – Who was neither ingenious, sober, nor kind.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies
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Epitaphs
Groucho Marx
For a good time, dig.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Platy Paul
Here lies the body of John Smith. Buried in the cloisters. If he don't jump at the last trump, call, Oysters!
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Childwell England
I am anxiously expecting you. A.D. 1827 — Here I am! – A.D. 1867
Epitaph
Epitaphs
For a husband and wife on the same stone in France
Here lies one who for medicine would not give, a little gold, and so his life he lost: I fancy now he'd wish again to live, could he but guess how much his funeral cost.
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Epitaphs
Farewell my young companions all. From death's arrest no age is free. Remember this, a warning call. Prepare to follow after me.
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Epitaphs
Mr. John Barnes
Was suddenly killed at early dawn, July 4th, 1842, by the explosion of a small canon, aged 15 years
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Samuel Brenton Stockbridge Massachusetts
Fair maiden Lilliard – lies under this stane – little was her stature – but muckle was her fame – upon the English loons – she laid monie thumps – and when her legs were cuttit off – she fought upon her stumps.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
A young Scotch woman who fought bravely at the Battle of Ancrum Moor in 1545
Here lies one who never lied before. And one who never will lie More. To which there need be no More said.
Epitaph
Epitaphs
Eliza More
Page 7 of 30
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