Subject: Exaggerations (Page 5)

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

It is so hot… I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.