Subject: Exaggerations (Page 5)

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

His car is so expensive that instead of a stereo, Pavaratti takes requests from the back seat.

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

It is so hot… I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

She’s so ugly she makes onions cry.

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.