Subject: Family » Children (Page 10)

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.

Age Children Family Learning

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice [his daughter], I cannot possibly do both.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Children Family

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Children

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats Children Family

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

Children Family

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

Believe me… if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family

What the hell is a ‘time out;” when I was growing up, we had black outs.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian
Children Family Situations

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Age Children Old People

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, “Wow, that’s awesome. You’re going to make a great single mom.”

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Children Family Marriage

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family

Trying to get a little kid dressed is like gift-wrapping an octopus.

American writer
Appearance Children Clothing Family

Kids… it’s like living with homeless people.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Children Family

I live near a remedial school and outside there is a sign that says, slow – children; that can't be good for their self esteem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Situations

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn’t have to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Family Men People

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family Sex