Subject: Family » Children (Page 12)

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

(1905 –1998) American author
Children Family Sex

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People Rednecks Things

My son is 21… he’ll be 22 if I let him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Age Children Family

The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.

Children Family Wordplay

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to their offspring.

Beliefs Children Family Opinion

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Children Family

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Children Family

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family

The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

Book Titles Children

Because you are feeding both the child and the floor, raising this child will be expensive.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Food/Drink Money

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

Time moves slower in a fast moving vehicle.

Children Murphy’s Laws Time

I’d be the only dad keeping his kids home from school to teach me how to get to the next level on a video game.

comedian
Children Family Fathers

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion