Subject: Family » Children (Page 13)

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family

There is no reciprocity; men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.

Anna Haycraft (1932 – 2005) English writer & essayist
Children Emotions Love Men Women

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

(1927 – ) American cartoonist (Momma)
Children Family Travel

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Children Communication Family Speech

Kids used to ask you where they came from – now they tell you where to go.

Children Murphy’s Laws

I get those maternal feelings; like when I’m laying on the couch and I can’t reach the remote control.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Children Emotions Family

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Children Eating People

Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Children

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Children Family Parents Success

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

There is no more somber enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Art Children Entertainment Family

Taking care of a newborn baby means devoting yourself, body and soul, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to the welfare of someone whose major response, in the way of positive reinforcement, is to throw up on you.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

I don’t have any children but if I had a baby I would have to name it so I’d buy a “baby naming book” … or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Books Children Family

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

Grandchildren can be f**king annoying – how many times can you go ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family

You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator
Children Family

No child throws up in the bathroom.

Children Health Murphy’s Laws

A teen-ager out of sight is like a kite in the clouds; even though you can’t see it you feel the tug on the string.

writer
Children Family

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women; now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family