Subject: Family » Children (Page 13)

When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, ‘holds 6-12 pounds’ they’re not kidding!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Children Family Parents Success

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books Children Communication Family Reading/Writing

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw it at them.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Situations

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

Monsters Eat Whiny Children

Book Titles Children

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children Family Speech Young

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Children Family Fear Parents Past

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

Children Family Marriage Proverbs

You don’t know what love is ’til you become a parent and fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to act positive about it.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Emotions Family Love

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family

SPIT HAPPENS

Children Family Signs

Children are a great comfort in your old age… and they help you reach it faster too.

Age Children Family Old

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Parents People

Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family Situations

Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Children Family

I thought when I was 41, I would be married with kids… well, to be honest I thought I would be married with weekend access.

(1965 – ) British-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Family Marriage

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Television TV/Movie Quotes

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School