Subject: Family » Children (Page 14)

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

I don’t have any children but if I had a baby I would have to name it so I’d buy a “baby naming book” … or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Books Children Family

Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Children Family

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

I learned in my car that I could not have children; it was the day that I locked my keys in my car with the engine running.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Family Mistakes Problems

My daughter's tricycle said “Some Assembly Required” … it came in a jar!

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Problems

Money – the one thing that keeps us in touch with our children.

(1948 – ) English writer, broadcaster, actor & politician
Children Family Money

Kids used to ask you where they came from – now they tell you where to go.

Children Murphy’s Laws

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Children People

Out of the mouth of babes… usually when you’ve got your best suit on.

Children Family

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like; it was born 15 minutes ago… it looks like a potato.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Children Family

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Activities Age Animals Children Young

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian
Age Children Old

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

Kids are wonderful… I like mine barbecued.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Children Family

I Heart My Little A-Holes

Book Titles Children

Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Children Sports