Subject: Family » Children (Page 16)

Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, or hysteria.

Children Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Children and [zippers] do not respond to force… except occasionally.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Family Things

Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Children Family

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family Situations

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

(1894 – 1972) King of the United Kingdom
America Children Family Parents People Places

Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent

Book Titles Children

Never underestimate the determination of a kid who is time rich and cash poor.

(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Characteristics Children

If I had a baby, I would have to name it so I’d buy a baby naming book… or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Children Family

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

Grandchildren can be f**king annoying – how many times can you go ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Children Family

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

Monsters Eat Whiny Children

Book Titles Children

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

My wife’s not too smart; I told her our kids were spoiled… she said, “all kids smell that way.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family Intelligence Marriage Stupidity