Subject: Family » Children (Page 17)

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books Children Communication Family Reading/Writing

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Children Family Parents

Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Government Money

Children and [zippers] do not respond to force… except occasionally.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Family Things

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Autos Children Family Things

The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

Book Titles Children

Children are smarter than any of us; cause I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Children Family Intelligence

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Age Children People

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family Learning

I’ve got two children; to be honest I always wanted three children; now I’ve got two, I only want one.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Family Things

I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family Parents

The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.

Children Family Wordplay

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family People Women

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow; we called her Melony.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Children Family

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Age Children Old People