Subject: Family » Children (Page 3)

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

Children Family

Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family Situations Sleep

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

Little League baseball is a good thing ’cause it keeps the parents off the streets, and it keeps the kids out of the house!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Children Parents Sports Yogi-isms

You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator
Children Family

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia; let them walk to school like I did!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Books Children Yogi-isms

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Children Family Fear Parents Past

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Family Things

Can’t have a favorite, [child] I don’t… I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family

Cycling's a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets.

Children Sports

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Health

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw it at them.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Situations

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Family Money People

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Children Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Age Children Family Travel

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Children Eating People

He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Children Family

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Situations