Subject: Family » Children (Page 4)

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs Children

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Characteristics Children People Things

Adolescence is that period in a kid’s life when parents become more difficult.

(1941 – ) American actor
Age Children Family Parents

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way round.

(1935 – ) British author
Books Children Communication Family Life Reading/Writing Sex

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

I get those maternal feelings; like when I’m laying on the couch and I can’t reach the remote control.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Children Emotions Family

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children Conflict People

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

We picked out old-fashioned names for our kids; our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. 

comedian
Children Family

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Children Family

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Age Children Government Law Lawyers Young

Can I Sit on Your Lap While You’re Pooping?

Book Titles Children

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw it at them.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Situations

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books Children Communication Family Reading/Writing

Viagra has instructions: ‘Keep away from children’ — what kind of man do you think I am?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Sex

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Family Money People