Subject: Family » Children (Page 4)

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

Children Family Murphy’s Laws

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Situations

Never underestimate the determination of a kid who is time rich and cash poor.

(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Characteristics Children

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

Can’t have a favorite, [child] I don’t… I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Children Family

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Children Family

Showoff: A child who is more talented than yours.

Children Definitions Family

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

It’s a mystery of parenthood that your son can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to stray, worm-riddled dogs, share a piece of re-chewed gum from a kid with bronchitis and pick his nose and eat it on a regular basis, yet won’t sit next to his sister because of ‘Girl Germs.’

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Children People

We picked out old-fashioned names for our kids; our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. 

comedian
Children Family

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Activities Age Animals Children Young

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Food/Drink Time

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there’s always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

writer
Children Family