Subject: Family » Children (Page 7)

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

All television is children's television.

advertising expert & editor
Children Entertainment Television

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Parents

Cycling's a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets.

Children Sports

The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Characteristics Children Family Fathers

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Age Children Family Travel

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Age Children Government Law Lawyers Young

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Children Family

The child that divides gets last pick.

Children Murphy’s Laws

To be honest, I’m not sure the same kid comes home each night.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Children Family

Birth control that really works – every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family

My wife’s not too smart; I told her our kids were spoiled… she said, “all kids smell that way.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family Intelligence Marriage Stupidity

Does [life] begin at conception, or does it begin when the baby is an embryo? … anybody with children knows [it] don’t begin ’til they can pay their own damn bills.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Children Family Money

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family

I never met a kid I liked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Relationships

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

Accidents Children

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

Children Family