Subject: Family » Children (Page 8)

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

I’d be the only dad keeping his kids home from school to teach me how to get to the next level on a video game.

comedian
Children Family Fathers

Grandchildren can be f**king annoying – how many times can you go ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Children Communication Family Speech

Because you are feeding both the child and the floor, raising this child will be expensive.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Food/Drink Money

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Children Family

Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Children Family

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

"It’s the violence in the media that's the problem…" no, the problem is a lot of your kids are dicks and you won’t do shit about it.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to their offspring.

Beliefs Children Family Opinion

Birth control that really works – every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

Children Family

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Children Friends Old People

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, “Wow, that’s awesome. You’re going to make a great single mom.”

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Children Family Marriage

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

Children Family

I was raised as an only child… which really annoyed my sister.

British comedian
Children Family

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Parents – especially step-parents – are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children; they don’t fulfill the promise of their early years.

(1905 – 2000) English writer
Children Family Parents

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Children Family Marriage Mothers