Subject: Family » Mothers

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers

Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Book Titles Family Mothers

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

(1964 – ) American country music singer
Family Mothers

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Mothers Sex

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

Her mother was a cultivated women… she was born in a greenhouse.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Family Mothers

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances.

British-Asian comedian
Family Mothers

If I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I’d trip her up.

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Family Mothers Sports

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

I’ve been here eight months and have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn’t handle my mother.

comedian & television writer
Family Mothers Places

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family Mothers

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” … so he went out and bought a present for my mother.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Family Fathers Mothers

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Family Mothers Relationships

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

You know a man is a redneck if his mama keeps a spit-can on the ironin' board.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Family Mothers People Rednecks

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers; good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

(1952 – ) comedian
Mothers Relationships

My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate; I said ‘Just wait.’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Family Mothers