Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 2)

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Food/Drink Mothers Relationships

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Mothers

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.

Mothers Murphy’s Laws People

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Housework Mothers

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Family Mothers

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Mothers People Rednecks School

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

There’s a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there’s a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family Mothers People Women

Do me a favor; when you get home, throw your mother a bone.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Family Mothers Situations

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Family Food/Drink Mothers

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink Mothers

From time to time, my mother puts on her wedding dress; not because she’s sentimental, she just gets really far behind on her laundry.

comedian
Family Mothers

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

I’ve been like a mother to that girl. I’ve locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Family Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Mothers

I get on very well with my parents, give or take my mother.

English comedian & actor
Family Mothers Parents

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers