Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 3)

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

I know how to do anything — I’m a mom.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Characteristics Family Mothers

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

The Good Mommies’ Guide To Raising (Almost) Perfect Daughters

Book Titles Family Mothers

Moms Who Drink and Swear

Book Titles Mothers

Socialite: Whatever possessed you to be born in a place like Lowell, Massachusetts?

Whistler: I wished to be near my mother.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Family Mothers Places

It’s better to be black than gay, because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Family Mothers

I don’t visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won’t wait in the yard while I run in.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Family Mothers

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Men Mothers People

There’s a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there’s a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family Mothers People Women

[My mother] is the only woman in the world who makes gravy with the Rolaids crushed right into it.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Mothers

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Mothers

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them; my mother cleans them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Family Housework Mothers

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old