Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 4)

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Mothers Success

I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Emotions Family Happiness Mothers

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Communication Family Fathers Killing Mothers Speech

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

Raised by two mothers? … Wow, most of us barely survive one.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Mothers

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring; when she was in a good mood it turned blue… in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

comedian
Family Mothers

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

I know how to do anything — I’m a mom.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Characteristics Family Mothers

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Mothers Sex

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers; good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

(1952 – ) comedian
Mothers Relationships

[My mother] is the only woman in the world who makes gravy with the Rolaids crushed right into it.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

(1964 – ) American country music singer
Family Mothers

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Family Food/Drink Mothers

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.

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Children Family Fathers Mothers

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers