Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 5)

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate; I said ‘Just wait.’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Family Mothers

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family Government Mothers Politicians President

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

[My mother] is the only woman in the world who makes gravy with the Rolaids crushed right into it.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Entertainment Family Mothers

There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.

(1935 – ) London-born American author & food commentator
Family Food/Drink Mothers

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Mothers Success

There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Mothers

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Emotions Family Happiness Mothers

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer
Beliefs Family Mothers Travel

My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances.

British-Asian comedian
Family Mothers

From time to time, my mother puts on her wedding dress; not because she’s sentimental, she just gets really far behind on her laundry.

comedian
Family Mothers

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

Four words every mom dreads hearing: “You're under arrest, mom.”


Family Mothers

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Housework Mothers