Subject: Family (Page 10)

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

(1927 – ) American cartoonist (Momma)
Children Family Travel

I wrote a few children's books… not on purpose.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books Children Communication Reading/Writing

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Emotions Family Love

Raised by two mothers? … Wow, most of us barely survive one.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Mothers

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Mothers People Rednecks School

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

By the tine the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it to pieces.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Children Family

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Family Parents

No child throws up in the bathroom.

Children Health Murphy’s Laws

One of my grandfathers died when he was a little boy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Mothers

I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents; it was on a note, in my room.

comedian
Life Parents Situations

Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Family Misspokements

Socialite: Whatever possessed you to be born in a place like Lowell, Massachusetts?

Whistler: I wished to be near my mother.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Family Mothers Places

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

I’ve been like a mother to that girl. I’ve locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Family Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

How to Traumatize Your Children

Book Titles Children

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Parents