Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Family
(Page 12)
Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Children
Sports
Fans
People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
Bill Watterson
(1955 – ) cartoonist
(Calvin and Hobbes)
Age
Children
Family
Past
Young
Childhood
I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.
Larry Amoros
comedian & television writer
Beliefs
Family
Mothers
Travel
Criticism
Toddlers Are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault
Bunmi Laditan
Book Titles
Children
Toddlers
One year my parents got me
Hide and Seek
for Christmas.
Rhod Gilbert
(1968 – ) Welsh comedian
Family
Parents
Christmas
Hide and seek
I don’t know what Scrope Davies meant by telling you I liked children, I abominate the sight of them so much that I have always had the greatest respect for the character of Herod.
George (Lord) Byron
(1788 – 1824) English poet
Children
Family
The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
Lane Olinghouse
American free-lance writer
Children
Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Genealogist
Viagra has instructions: ‘Keep away from children’ — what kind of man do you think I am?
Jimmy Carr
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children
Sex
Viagra
You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.
Dr. Seuss
Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator
Children
Family
Bernadette: Everyone’s a better mom than me.
Kunal Nayyar
(1981 – ) Indian-English actor
Family
Mothers
As Raj in “The Big Bang Theory”
Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.
David Frost
(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Children
Family
All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.
Mark Roberts
comedian
Appearance
Body
Family
Fathers
Baldness
Hunchbacks
We don’t have home movies in my family… we have people’s exhibit A.
Christopher Titus
(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Family
There’s a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there’s a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
Roseanne Barr
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family
Mothers
People
Women
The trouble with incest is that it gets you involved with relatives.
Max Kaufman
typographer
Family
Relationships
Sex
Incest
Wrinkles are hereditary; parents get them from their children.
Doris Day
(1924 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance
Children
Family
Parents
Wrinkles
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
Bill Cosby
(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children
Family
People
Childhood
Parenting
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children
Family
People
Self
Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.
Kathy Lette
(1958 – ) Australian author
Children
Family
Situations
Sleep
Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children
Family
Christmas
Gifts
Meanness
Page 12 of 34
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