Subject: Family (Page 18)

You might be a redneck if… you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fathers People Rednecks

Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Government Money

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

Monsters Eat Whiny Children

Book Titles Children

Even before the kids are born, you’ve got to make these decisions; if it’s a boy, do we get him circumcised?… if it’s a girl, do we keep her?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family Situations

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies and we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers

Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bad child.

Children Family Proverbs

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children People Places

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

comedian
Activities Driving Family Fathers People

You might be a redneck if… you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

I would like to give these kids a good home; in fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Children Family

Raised by two mothers? … Wow, most of us barely survive one.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Mothers

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books Children Communication Family Reading/Writing

SPIT HAPPENS

Children Family Signs

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Family Money Relationships

I love all my children… I’m delighted to see them come and delighted to see them go.

(1912 – 2002) English novelist
Children Family

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family