Subject: Family (Page 22)

One day my father took me aside… and left me there.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

When traveling with children… at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.

Activities Children Family Murphy’s Laws Travel

Giving away baby clothes and nursery furniture is a major cause of pregnancy.

novelist & travel writer
Children Family Situations

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

(1964 – ) American country music singer
Family Mothers

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

A balanced meal is whatever stays on the spoon en route to a baby’s mouth.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family Food/Drink

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

Wednesday… play with your food!

(1951 – ) American actress & director
Children Family TV/Movie Quotes

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

Mother, there are terrorist cells that are more nurturing than you are.

(1958 – ) American actor & producer
Family Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

I’ll be spending the holidays with my family; nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Family

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Family

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Fathers should neither be seen nor heard; that is the only proper basis for family life.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Fathers

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health