Subject: Family (Page 22)

I’ve wanted to have a baby for about five years, but she wants one forever.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Family

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Family Happiness Relationships

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Family Mothers

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like; it was born 15 minutes ago… it looks like a potato.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Children Family

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Children Family Parents

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family TV/Movie Quotes

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children People

You don’t have favorites among your children but you do have allies.

(1975 – ) British novelist
Children Family

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Mothers Success

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had… so he sent me to a girls school.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Education Fathers School

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Children Family

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child; we can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

Moms Who Drink and Swear

Book Titles Mothers

Grandchildren can be f**king annoying – how many times can you go ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.


Family Fathers

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Situations

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

My family taught me to take regrets one day at a time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family

Having a holiday weekend without a family member felt like putting on a sweater that had an extra arm.

(1975 – ) author, screenwriter & actress
Family

"It’s the violence in the media that's the problem…" no, the problem is a lot of your kids are dicks and you won’t do shit about it.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family