Subject: Family (Page 24)

The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.

Family Murphy’s Laws Relationships

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children Family Science/Weather

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Beliefs Children Family Opinion

Toddlers Are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault

Book Titles Children

Viagra has instructions: ‘Keep away from children’ — what kind of man do you think I am?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Sex

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Children Family

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Children People

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family Learning

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Children Family Parents

One of my grandfathers died when he was a little boy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Children Family

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer
Beliefs Family Mothers Travel

There is no more somber enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Art Children Entertainment Family

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Family Self Young

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Religion

If it weren’t for baseball, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Baseball Children Money Sports Wealth

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both seems like carelessness.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Parents Relationships

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family