Subject: Family (Page 29)

Twin: A double-take.

Definitions Family

You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.

(1970 – ) American actress
Family Mothers People Self TV/Movie Quotes

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family

My wife, she’s carrying our first child… he’s eight, the lazy little…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Mothers Old

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child; we can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

When you’re a fat kid, you only get to be two things… funny and goalie.

(1980 – ) Canadian writer, comedian & political activist
Appearance Body Children Fat

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Family Work

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Children Family

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

(1922 – 1973) Israeli teacher & child psychologist
Age Family Parents

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Children Family

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Parents Self Understanding

How to Traumatize Your Children

Book Titles Children

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women; now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

Every child is an artist; the problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Art Children Entertainment

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Children Family

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring; when she was in a good mood it turned blue… in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

comedian
Family Mothers

Me and my dad used to play tag, he’d drive!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving Family Fathers

Blood's not thicker than money.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Money Relationships