Subject: Family (Page 30)

Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

I get on very well with my parents, give or take my mother.

English comedian & actor
Family Mothers Parents

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Family Happiness Relationships

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving… he said it was elevator practice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Family Things Young

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Family

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

(1943 – ) English comedian
Children Family Money Wealth

Friends are God’s apology for relations.

(1889 – 1949) British writer & journalist
Family Friends People

My kid wanted a BB gun for Christmas, I got him the BB gun and he gave me a sweater with a bull’s eye on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Family

I’m related to people I don’t relate to.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Family

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Mothers

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Children always take the line of most persistence.

writer
Children Family Wordplay

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Mothers Success

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Age Children Old

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Family Work

You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Relationships