Subject: Family (Page 31)

1. Giving away baby clothes and furniture is a major cause of pregnancy. 2. Always be backlit. 3. Sit down whenever possible.

Children Family Murphy’s Laws

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Family Relationships

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family Situations

Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Family Science/Weather

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

Never rely on the glory of the morning or the smiles of your mother-in-law.

Family Proverbs

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Food/Drink Mothers Relationships

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
America Characteristics Family Fathers People Places

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Family Relationships

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Failure Family Murphy’s Laws Parents Problems Young

There is a special bathroom in heaven for the father of girls.

Children Family

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Dance Family Past Relationships Situations Things Time

The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

Book Titles Children

For the parent of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into innings.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Children Family Parents

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Children Family Fear Parents Past

They waited until I was 20 to tell me I was adopted, and then last Christmas, they told me they were kidding.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Family Parents

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.

Children Family Murphy’s Laws

We kept Mommy on a pedestal… it was the only way we could keep Daddy off her. – of life in a family with 12 children

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Family Parents