Subject: Family (Page 34)

I was raised as an only child… which really annoyed my sister.

British comedian
Children Family

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Family

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

My old man… I told him I'm tired of running around in circles… so he nailed my other foot to the floor.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Family Ideas Intelligence Mothers Situations

When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, ‘holds 6-12 pounds’ they’re not kidding!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Family Situations

And even though I’m proud my father invented the rear view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers

Children always take the line of most persistence.

writer
Children Family Wordplay

A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Family Relationships

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Children Family Parents

I didn’t hate my mother; it was an accident!

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor
Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

The Night Dad Went to Jail

Book Titles Family Fathers

I’m related to people I don’t relate to.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Family

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Parents

Birth control that really works – every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

(1964 – ) American country music singer
Family Mothers