Subject: Family (Page 5)

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Family Self Young

My son is 21… he’ll be 22 if I let him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Age Children Family

I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Emotions Family Happiness Mothers

All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.

comedian
Appearance Body Family Fathers

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

Giving away baby clothes and nursery furniture is a major cause of pregnancy.

novelist & travel writer
Children Family Situations

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Failure Family Murphy’s Laws Parents Problems Young

My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Health

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies and we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Conflict Family War

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

I actually adopted a baby; I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Family

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory… an empty gin bottle.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Children Clothing Family

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Age Children Old People

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Family Relationships

Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Children Family

I live near a remedial school and outside there is a sign that says, slow – children; that can't be good for their self esteem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Situations

An ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful.

(1819 – 1901) English monarch of the United Kingdom
Children Family

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

(1922 – 1973) Israeli teacher & child psychologist
Age Family Parents